“I’ll be ready in a minute, sweetheart,” Mother Nature (Em to her friends) called out from the bathroom. “I’m just finishing up my make-up.”
Her husband, Ted, god of the Midwest, was putting his cufflinks on. He was dressed in a rented tuxedo, and looked pretty damn sexy if he thought so himself, which he did.
“Take your time, hun. Fashionably late is always cool.” He started humming “Bawitdaba” softly to himself.
The happy couple was preparing to jet off to attend one of the more exclusive social events of the year: the annual Spring Gala, hosted by the goddess Gaia. Winter had just ended two days before, and the warm embers of spring were now heating the world of Man back up. It was time for a grand celebration.
That’s when Ted eyed the unusual object laying on the bed. “Uhh, Em… Why is there a strap-on dildo on the bed?”
Mother Nature stepped out of the bathroom, putting in an earring as she did. “Oh, I picked that up at the store earlier. I thought we might use it after the party.”
Ted was still regarding the novelty-size strap-on with no small measure of dubiousness. “Huh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing. It’s just…we experimented with that a lot this past winter, right? And frankly, I’m not sure I’m up to task for this one anyway. So, since it’s spring and all, why don’t we put away your little…ish new toy and try something new.” His eyes gleamed. “Like…you being with someone else,” he said, “while I watch.”
She giggled coquettishly. “Oh, Ted,” she said. “You’re so silly.” But then she considered the idea for a moment. “Well…how about a compromise?”
He arched an eyebrow. “Whadja have in mind?”
“How would you like me to use that”—Em pointed at the sexual apparatus—”on Guy while you watch?”
A devilish smile formed on Ted’s face. Guy was high deity of the region commonly known to humans as “New England”—and he was a close friend. An attractive, close friend.
“Now that sounds hot,” Ted said. He went over to his wife and took her in his arms. They passionately kissed for a long moment, until she suddenly broke away and looked him in the eye.
“But once I’m done with Guy,” she said firmly, “I fully intend to use the device on you too.”
Ted sighed in defeat. “Yes dear.”
You see, friends, the moral of this story is that, even though we are two days into spring, Mother Nature can quite easily—and with wicked delight—use a strap-on dildo to fuck the state of Ohio in the ass.
That, and I really hate cold weather and all that it brings.
