According to People magazine, Lance Bass is saying “Bye Bye Bye” to his heterosexual status:

Lance Bass, band member of ‘N Sync, says he’s gay and in a “very stable” relationship with a reality show star.

Bass, who formed ‘N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn’t earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn’t want to affect the group’s popularity.

“I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys’ careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything,” he tells the magazine.

My question is, is anyone surprised by this revelation? Look at the guy, for Christ’s sake:

I remember, back in the day, reading headlines on the covers of various tabloids gossiping that “so-and-so of ‘N Sync is gay,” “Britney Spears is a ho-bag,” and “Rob Schneider is an actor of questionable taste.” Thankfully at least only one of those was true.

Makes you wonder, though, if Lance ever told his band mates. Five guys, touring, living in close quarters . . . hard to believe they’d miss the occasional illicit midnight “rendezvous” that Lance’s “friends” might make. Or maybe they only suspected.

JOEY: Yo, dogg, I was wondering’ — don’t Lance look a little, I dunno, too pretty for a dude?

JUSTIN: My hair’s pretty.

CHRIS: I’m not pretty. I’m not anything . . . . I wish I had talent.

JC: Anyway . . . yeah, I think you’re right, man. I bet if any of us turned out to be gay — not that we are, ’cause we all love bitches and shit — but yeah, it’d be Lance.

Lance enters the room, softly singing to himself “It’s Gonna Be Me.”

LANCE: Hi guys! Whatcha up to?

Everyone stares at him.

JOEY (whispering to JC): That shit is spooky.

Now might be the apropos time to add that I have nothing against someone, even Lance Bass, being gay. I’m more offended that some dude would actually want to date the man. I mean . . . it’s Lance Bass. Eww . . . . Seriously — being gay is no excuse for having poor taste in partners.

JAB

I was googling for something a little bit ago and happened upon this old Photoshopped image from years past:

Upon seeing it again, the same thing flashed in my mind that did the first time I laid eyes on it: If its caption were really true, then cats would have been extinct long ago, like back in the time of the Pharaohs.

Can you imagine if instead of a cute widdle kitten, those Domo-Kun were chasing Osama bin-Laden? I wonder if, after seeing that images, would all the hardcore conservatives whip it out right then and there? Y’know, for freedom? I submit to you this scenario:

“Hunh,” the fat ugly white pundit groaned. “That’s right, America, Bill O’Reilly’s lookin’ out for you. I’m helping God out and making the world a safe place, one sperm at a time. Oh yeah . . . take this, al-Quaeda!” With a cry of dismay, he spurted.

Yuck. Now I just made myself nauseous.

JAB