Not much going on around the Josh Bales Compound lately, save for writing and job hunting and not being on the Internet. So what better way to make it look like I’m blogging than by sharing a couple of videos?
No one in the history of cinema owns as many hilariously cheesy one-liners as the current governor of California: Arnold Schwarzenegger. He’s made a career out of making his audiences cringe with delight, from Conan the Barbarian to Batman & Robin to Kindergarten Cop and two Terminator movies, Arnie has delivered some of the most painfully memorable lines in movie history.
The montage is ten rapturous minutes long, and worth every minute:
Verizon has a new commercial out promoting its purportedly excellent 3G coverage. That in and of itself isn’t interesting, but since this ad parodies those Big Red Gum commercials from the 80s (yeah, you remember those), it is bloody excellent:
I’ve yet to actually see it on TV, but that isn’t too surprising as I don’t watch any television that’s not DVR’d. But if more ads dredged up and molested my childhood memories like this one, maybe I would.
And because nostalgia demands it, here’s one of the aforementioned 80s-era Big Red commercials:
Dating is Miserable is one of the funnier blogs I read, and one of the awesome few I follow on Google Reader. Its proprietor, Amanda C, writes with much wit, and has zero qualms about sharing some of her more awkward and crazy dating experiences. And she appears cute to boot, which has nothing to do with her writing qualities, but is always cool to know.
Clicking about her blog some today, I discovered a post from several months back wherein she wrote about a date she went on with a guy she codenamed “Brohammer.” Leaving aside the fact that Brohammer is one of the greatest names ever, he proceeded to relate to Amanda what is probably the craziest first date story that I have ever heard:
Brohammer went to college in Indiana. With not much to do in Indiana he often turned to the early version of what we now call “dah intrawebz” for entertainment, mainly chat rooms. One day he met a girl online who was pretty much the female version of himself. After days of talking they finally exchanged pictures and after “about 10 minutes of waiting for the picture to download” he discovered not only was she smart and funny, she was also stunningly beautiful. Brohammer immediately asked her out, she agreed, and plans were made for dinner and a movie the following Friday.
He rang the bell to her home at precisely 7:00 PM as they had agreed and stood anxiously waiting to meet his dream girl. A tad surprised doesn’t even begin to sum up how shocked he was when a middle aged couple opened the door and greeted him with hugs and “Oh so YOU are Brohammer! It’s so nice to finally meet you!”. He was ushered into the living room where “20 minutes of the most awkward conversation I’ve ever experienced took place”. Turns out this middle aged couple were his date’s parents. “They just kept thanking me for taking her out and told me how nice I was to spend time with her. I was completely confused.”. Finally, the mom called for Brohammer’s date to hurry. Brohammer stared up the large staircase now no longer sure what to expect and slightly dreading what was about to come down. Which is why his jaw completely dropped when from next to the stairs rolled his date. Yes, in the course of all their conversations she had never once mentioned she was a double amputee from about the mid-thigh region and in a wheelchair.
The ending of this little tale is made of total WIN. I won’t spoil it, but needless to say, if a chick ever invites me to see her back yard on a first date, I will decline.
It’s Tuesday, I’m overheated from power walking at the nearby park, and feeling gross from the 32oz Gatorade I just drained, so it seems like the perfect time to point you towards several videos that have been amusing me lately.
Most of these are fairly recent creations; one or two of them are older, but new to me. Enjoy.
Funny or Die managed to get together all the guys who have ever played Presidents on SNL for a short video, and the results were pretty awesome:
Toby Jones runs several small businesses, and has created several commercials to educate you on his various services:
OK Go might be a terrible band, and their song “This Too Shall Pass” might blow a donkey, but the video for the song is pure genius: a gigantic Rube Goldberg filmed in one take:
Every year, for the last five or so years, Scalzi relinks to it, and every year I reread it because a) it’s so damn funny, and b) I generally forget what most of the entries were. I also get jealous every year after I read it, because I would be hard-pressed to come up with anything so nearly as clever.
My favorite of the bunch is “The Lost Star Trek Christmas Episode: ‘A Most Illogical Holiday.’” It’s hilarious, and it’s about Star Trek, so what’s not to like? Here is a brief snippet:
Mr. Spock, with his pointy ears, is hailed as a messiah on a wintry world where elves toil for a mysterious master, revealed to be Santa just prior to the first commercial break. Santa, enraged, kills Ensign Jones and attacks the Enterprise in his sleigh. As Scotty works to keep the power flowing to the shields, Kirk and Bones infiltrate Santa’s headquarters. With the help of the comely and lonely Mrs. Claus, Kirk is led to the heart of the workshop, where he learns the truth: Santa is himself a pawn to a master computer, whose initial program is based on an ancient book of children’s Christmas tales.
To find out what happens to Captain Kirk & Co. next, go to Scalzi’s site. The Star Trek one is the fourth down. But while you’re there, you may as well read the rest. They’re worth it.
This guy I know, Nick Pappagiorgio, filmed a short movie with some of his friends. It is many things: charming, awkward, and more than a little NSFW. After watching it, you will probably feel somewhat discomforted. I know I was.
A scene from a masterpiece: Massacre on the Interstate. The dialog has not been edited and is read exactly how it’s written in the novel. There are 3 verbal additions, however, though they’re tasteful and only enhance the viewing experience.
In this scene, a man buys a hooker and is happy he shaved off all his pubic hairs.
