Was supposed to go out to the pub tonight for karaoke, where I was actually looking forward to singing again. (Don’t look so surprised. I sang last week for the first time and actually had a good time.) But then I began to feel like utter shit last night, and this carried over to today, which is why instead of going out, I am sequestering myself indoors in the hope that this cold-thing doesn’t get much worse.

So in that spirit, here’s a few things that entertained me today out there on the vast multitudes of the Intarwebz.

Over at “Hyperbole and a Half, Allie Brosh hilariously writes about The Year That Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas.”

Cracked.com put up an informative and witty article on “5 Ridiculous Things You Probably Believe About Islam” in response to Glenn Beck’s ridiculous assertion that ten percent of all the world’s Muslims are terrorists.

And this is a bit of a cheat, as I first saw this compilation of Nicolas Cage losing his shit last month, but then I saw a link to it again today, so I figured what the hell.

Reporting live from the World Series in San Francisco.

Still not feeling a hundred percent, so, in lieu of posting anything of substance, how about a video of a frustrated cat trying to get his Lexmark printer work?

So President Obama is going to appear on MYTHBUSTERS.

The myth-in-question he’ll be helping to address is: “Did Greek scientist and polymath Archimedes set fire to an invading Roman fleet using only mirrors and the reflected rays of the sun?”

But perhaps there’s another longstanding myth that Adam and Jamie should debunk, one that might be more pertinent to Obama being on the show.

As Wil Wheaton said, “It really isn’t that complicated.”

Zach Galifianakis is not funny. Not in any of the movies or TV shows he’s been in over the years, or, from what I can tell from the trailers for DUE DATE, any of his future projects, either. In fact, I’d go so far as to say he’s just . . . obnoxious.

Which is why it utterly mystifies me that the “Between Two Ferns” segments he makes for Funny or Die are so goddamn hilarious.

Case in point: the newest one, wherein Galifianakis interviews Bruce Willis, and asks him such insightful questions as, “Did you know that some actors turn down roles?” and “Which is your favorite of your kids? Ashton?”

My favorite “Between Two Ferns,” however, is still the one with Steve Carell.

I heart The Onion.

When asked why they agreed with the statement “President Obama is a large succulent plant composed of specialized cells designed for water retention in arid climates,” many responded that they “just know,” claiming the president only acts like a human being for political purposes and is truly a cactus at heart.

The inspired Molly Lewis, demonstrating with much wit and ingenuity that even hipster dinosaurs can still be elitist assholes.

[More here, here, here, here, and here.]

Can’t sleep. Too much going on later today for me to sufficiently subdue my brain into unconsciousness.

So instead I will share with you a video titled, “Advice for Young Girls from The Little Mermaid.” It features a starved-looking Ariel providing spectacularly spot-on advice to young girls, such as:

Don’t ever talk to a man until he kisses you on the lips first. Then, as a woman, you’re allowed.

Woot, that company I regularly throw money at in exchange for clever t-shirts — and who also popularized the “Deal of the Day” on miscellaneous stuff — was acquired by Amazon last Wednesday.

The company’s sense of humor is pretty demented, and almost always LOL-inducing, as evidenced by the write-up for this shirt. The letter that Woot CEO Matt Rutledge sent out to employees announcing the company had been bought was in the same whimsical tradition, and very entertaining. The first sentence alone sets the tone for the rest:

I know I say this every time I find a picture of an adorable kitten, but please set aside 20 minutes to carefully read this entire email.

Definitely one of the better “Hey, we’ve been acquired by another company” letters ever.