So, the UN is going to appoint a Space Ambassador in case aliens should decide to make first contact with us. Right. Like the USA would really let the UN take the lead if such an event occurred.

Does makes me wonder, though, if the UN’s Office for Outer Space Affairs is hiring. I would move to Vienna in a heartbeat for a position there. Be worth it alone just to have UNOOSA under my name on a business card.

Of course, if aliens did actually show up, then I would start stockpiling money and weapons the very same day. I’m not stupid. I’ve seen V.

Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist, is set to be tasked with co-ordinating humanity’s response if and when extraterrestrials make contact.

Aliens who landed on earth and asked: “Take me to your leader” would be directed to Mrs Othman.

[. . .]

Opinion is divided about how future extraterrestrial visitors should be greeted. Under the Outer Space Treaty on 1967, which Unoosa oversees, UN members agreed to protect Earth against contamination by alien species by “sterilizing” them.

Mrs Othman is understood to support a more tolerant approach.

But Professor Stephen Hawking has warned that alien interlopers should be treated with caution.

He said: “I imagine they might exist in massive ships, having used up all the resources from their home planet. The outcome for us would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn’t turn out very well for the Native Americans.”

At least Stephen Hawking knows what’s up.

The premise of HARRY BROWN, according to Netflix, is: “When a crew of drug-dealing gang members takes the life of his only friend, Leonard (David Bradley), retired Marine and widower Harry Brown (Michael Caine) decides to take the law into his own hands — but his old-school training might be overmatched.”

A pretty accurate description, that. Mine, though, would go: HARRY BROWN is a cross somewhere between DEATH WISH and GRAN TORINO, with a dose of TRAINSPOTTING injected into the arm.

I watched it the other night, and it was good, entertaining even. But, unfortunately, not nearly as good as any of those other films. Caine is brilliant, as is to be expected. The whole cast does a solid job, really. But the story, or perhaps the director’s unfurling of the story, is what drags the whole production down. The plot is all over the map, alternating from being too heavy-handed in the dramatic scenes, and too ridiculous in the action scenes — especially the whole third act, which is completely over-the-top and makes no sense at all.

My recommendation? Wait till it’s available on Netflix’s instant watch — which will probably happen within a couple of months — and go check out DEATH WISH instead. Watching Charlie Bronson dispense vigilante justice to criminals in scummy, 1970′s New York will be a far more entertaining use of your time.

I heart The Onion.

When asked why they agreed with the statement “President Obama is a large succulent plant composed of specialized cells designed for water retention in arid climates,” many responded that they “just know,” claiming the president only acts like a human being for political purposes and is truly a cactus at heart.

New technologies like these paper-thin rechargeable lithium-ion batteries make me very happy to be living in the future.

[The researchers] coated a solid support with a thin film of carbon nanotubes and deposited a film of a metal-containing lithium compound on top of the nanotubes. Then the team deposited the double-layer films on both sides of ordinary paper. In that design, the lithium layers function as battery electrodes and the nanotube films serve as current collectors. The paper is the electrode separator and also serves as a mechanical support.

They would be very useful, I imagine, in devices like e-book readers, or maybe even some smartphones. That’s assuming, of course, that such a battery could one day be cost-efficient enough for mass production.

Fairly busy weekend, this was.

My dad’s official retirement ceremony was held on Saturday. I was hoping it would be a roast of him by his peers, but people mostly only had nice things to say about how much they’d miss him. Which, I suppose, is how he’d prefer to have had it. The man spent 35 years in the Air Force, rising to the highest rank allowed in the AFR.

35 years. Seven more than I’ve even been alive. The mind boggles.

No pics on account of I don’t like any of the ones I shot with Lindsey’s camera. A combination of crappy photog, crappy lighting, and crappy camera. So must wait until the shots arrive from the official photographer dude.

Last night was Mister Jesse Ellis’s going away party. He leaves for the City of Eternal Rain (Seattle) later on this week. In addition to the going-away theme, the party had an 80′s theme, which, knowing Jesse, was strangely appropriate.

Also saw an old friendquaintance from high school at the party, weirdly enough. One who apparently only lives two houses down from Brandon. He wandered over while several of us were drinking and being noisy out front, and announced, “I see you guys partying over here all the time, so I figured I’d stop by and say hello.”

I was planning on moseying down to the Neon tomorrow afternoon to do a bit of writing, but instead I am now taking my poor invalid father to the eye doctor. “I don’t want to drive with both eyes dilated,” indeed. So it looks like the Neon will have to wait till Wednesday.

Manning my mom’s garage sale for a few hours for this morning. A little bit bored. And hungry. My laptop battery only has another hour left in it. Good thing I also brought a book.

It’s funny and a little depressing just how easily I slip into “Customer Service Josh” mode again. I’m not even aware of the transition until it’s over. Kind of like stepping into a time machine. As though the last four years never happened.

The U.K. edition of William Gibson’s new novel ZERO HISTORY, which I already prefer to the cover of the American edition, boasts a particularly clever bit of design work on the back cover.

I wants.

Being a gentleman of leisure occasionally works to my advantage, such as yesterday, when I was able to take in two movies in one day. Not something I would ordinarily be able to do on a weekday.

MACHETE was the first order of business. Saw it with Brandon and Krystel in the afternoon. It was everything I could hope for in an intentionally Mexploitation film. Cast was great, especially Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez and Robert DeNiro. Lindsay Lohan . . . not so much. This, along with BLACK DYNAMITE, makes two throwback movies I’ve seen this year that were masterfully done. Hopefully next year’s HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN will be as good.

Later in the evening, I went with Adam and Jason to see THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE, the second of three films adapted from Stieg Larsson’s Millennium Trilogy. It was very good. Perhaps not quite as good as the first film, but very enjoyable nonetheless. Lisbeth Salander really is one of the most interesting antiheroes I’ve seen on the screen in a while. Can’t wait for the third film. The Neon should hopefully get it sometime early next year.

Speaking of the Neon, they have a little café area and an outdoor patio that I’d somehow never paid attention to before yesterday. So before the movie, I was talking with my friend Diana, who’s a manager there, and she said it would be perfectly fine if I brought my laptop sometime and set up shop. Might have to take her up on that next week. Change of scenery would be cool.

Dear God.

Uwe Boll, possibly the world’s worst film director, and the asshole behind many an awful video game adaptation, such as POSTAL, BLOODRAYNE, and HOUSE OF THE DEAD . . . is making a movie about the Holocaust.

And it’s called AUSCHWITZ.

The teaser below is all sorts of unpleasant to watch, not least of which because Boll has also cast himself in the film.

He’s the concentration camp officer standing guard at the gas chamber.

Been a busy but entertaining last couple of days.

Half Price Books was running a sale over Labor Day weekend, so on Saturday Jason and I made our irregular pilgrimage to Cincinnati to hit up several of the stores down there. I came home with many shiny books, including a trade copy of THE WIND-UP GIRL and a hard-to-find Michael Moorcock omnibus that I’ve been hunting for for several years.

Then on Sunday, my friends Adam and Danielle had a cookout at their place. The food was delicious (huzzah for beer brats and fruit salad!) and the weather couldn’t have been more gorgeous. I whiled away many pleasant hours hanging out and drinking beer.

And today I am off to Richmond with my family to partake in pizza and breadsticks from Clara’s, and cookies from the Joy Ann Cake Shop, assuming they’re open. Fingers crossed . . .

[Note: WordPress or my server or something appears to have hiccuped yesterday, so this post didn't go up then like it was supposed to. And, lamentably, Joy Ann's was indeed closed, and there were no cookies to be had.]