Over on Flickr, a user by the name of Pargon has a set up called “Teabonics”:

These are signs seen primarily at Tea Party Protests. They all feature “creative” spelling or grammar. This new dialect of the English language shall be known as “Teabonics.”

Not much going on around the Josh Bales Compound lately, save for writing and job hunting and not being on the Internet. So what better way to make it look like I’m blogging than by sharing a couple of videos?

“The 160 Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes” is one of the more awesome things I’ve come across lately.

No one in the history of cinema owns as many hilariously cheesy one-liners as the current governor of California: Arnold Schwarzenegger. He’s made a career out of making his audiences cringe with delight, from Conan the Barbarian to Batman & Robin to Kindergarten Cop and two Terminator movies, Arnie has delivered some of the most painfully memorable lines in movie history.

The montage is ten rapturous minutes long, and worth every minute:

Verizon has a new commercial out promoting its purportedly excellent 3G coverage. That in and of itself isn’t interesting, but since this ad parodies those Big Red Gum commercials from the 80s (yeah, you remember those), it is bloody excellent:

I’ve yet to actually see it on TV, but that isn’t too surprising as I don’t watch any television that’s not DVR’d. But if more ads dredged up and molested my childhood memories like this one, maybe I would.

And because nostalgia demands it, here’s one of the aforementioned 80s-era Big Red commercials:

I like most of James Cameron’s movies, AVATAR notwithstanding, and think overall that he’s a very talented filmmaker, but I also kind of think he’s an egomaniac. However, on this point he and I are in total agreement:

Asked what he thought about Beck during a junket appearance in support of the “Avatar” home-video release, Cameron said: “Glenn Beck is a fucking asshole. I’ve met him. He called me the anti-Christ and not about ‘Avatar.’ He hadn’t even seen ‘Avatar’ yet. I don’t know if he has seen it.”

[. . .]

“He’s dangerous because his ideas are poisonous,” Cameron answered. “I couldn’t believe when he was on CNN. I thought, what happened to CNN? Who is this guy? Who is this madman? And then of course he wound up on Fox News, which is where he belongs, I guess.”

Asked by THR if he felt the right wing’s attacks against him were continuing, Cameron replied: “They’re not attacks. They’re just people ranting away, lost in their little bubbles of reality, steeped in their own hatred, their own fear and hatred. That’s where it all comes from. Let’s just call it out. Let’s have a public discussion. That’s what movies are supposed to do, you know, you can have a mindless entertainment film that doesn’t affect anybody. I wasn’t interested in that.”

(Emphasis added by me.)

Can’t say I agree with Cameron’s assertion that AVATAR doesn’t qualify as “mindless entertainment,” or that it’s some great cultural achievement that will change the way the world thinks about the environment. Yes, it looked pretty and was innovative and made a buttload of money, but story-wise it wasn’t anything approaching original, and it certainly isn’t the first film to be environmentally conscious, or anti-war.

But boy howdy — I would greatly like to see a live debate between James Cameron and Glenn Beck. And moderated by Jon Stewart, because — why the hell not?

Beck, because he is an idiot and batshit crazy, would lose. But he would lose in the grandest, most rabid and entertaining manner possible. It would be the stuff of legend.

Dating is Miserable is one of the funnier blogs I read, and one of the awesome few I follow on Google Reader. Its proprietor, Amanda C, writes with much wit, and has zero qualms about sharing some of her more awkward and crazy dating experiences. And she appears cute to boot, which has nothing to do with her writing qualities, but is always cool to know.

Clicking about her blog some today, I discovered a post from several months back wherein she wrote about a date she went on with a guy she codenamed “Brohammer.” Leaving aside the fact that Brohammer is one of the greatest names ever, he proceeded to relate to Amanda what is probably the craziest first date story that I have ever heard:

Brohammer went to college in Indiana. With not much to do in Indiana he often turned to the early version of what we now call “dah intrawebz” for entertainment, mainly chat rooms. One day he met a girl online who was pretty much the female version of himself. After days of talking they finally exchanged pictures and after “about 10 minutes of waiting for the picture to download” he discovered not only was she smart and funny, she was also stunningly beautiful. Brohammer immediately asked her out, she agreed, and plans were made for dinner and a movie the following Friday.

He rang the bell to her home at precisely 7:00 PM as they had agreed and stood anxiously waiting to meet his dream girl. A tad surprised doesn’t even begin to sum up how shocked he was when a middle aged couple opened the door and greeted him with hugs and “Oh so YOU are Brohammer! It’s so nice to finally meet you!”. He was ushered into the living room where “20 minutes of the most awkward conversation I’ve ever experienced took place”. Turns out this middle aged couple were his date’s parents. “They just kept thanking me for taking her out and told me how nice I was to spend time with her. I was completely confused.”. Finally, the mom called for Brohammer’s date to hurry. Brohammer stared up the large staircase now no longer sure what to expect and slightly dreading what was about to come down. Which is why his jaw completely dropped when from next to the stairs rolled his date. Yes, in the course of all their conversations she had never once mentioned she was a double amputee from about the mid-thigh region and in a wheelchair.

The ending of this little tale is made of total WIN. I won’t spoil it, but needless to say, if a chick ever invites me to see her back yard on a first date, I will decline.

Cherie Priest sums it up succinctly and perfectly:

I sometimes wonder what kind of innovation renaissance the USA would undergo if it really did pass proper universal coverage. Who would start her own business? What would your neighbors invent, patent, and produce? I thrill to imagine people with the liberty to start over, try something new, to make things — without the stifling terror of being left uncovered or uncoverable. I dream one day of dancing on these eggshells, like the rest of the industrialized world.

A couple weeks back, Lindsey had the following exchange on Twitter:

Me: ARGH. The paltry battery life on my notebook is driving me crazy. I need longer than 2 hours, thankyouverymuch.
Lindsey: my battery life is awesome. 5 hours!
Me: I wonder if your battery is compatible with my notebook? If it is then I predict a computer theft in your near future.
Lindsey: Um i dont think it is compatible. and no, you wont steal my computer.
Me: How about a compromise? I’ll just steal your battery.
Lindsey: i dont really see where the compromise is in that.
Me: Seriously: you need to me halfway here.
Lindsey: i dont see where meeting in the middle is in this case.
Me: In this case, a compromise is defined as “you giving me what I want,” or “me permanently ‘borrowing’ what I want.”
Lindsey: I am going to have to lock my computer up when we move in together.

My dad apparently saw this exchange, and so what did I receive today for my birthday? A shiny new laptop battery good for six hours of usage.

What can I say: my parents rock.

…he said, his famous “Riker grin” lighting up his face. “After all, I am pretty awesome.”

Your results:
You are Will Riker

Will Riker 55% Jean-Luc Picard 50% Geordi LaForge 50% James T. Kirk (Captain) 50% Data 41% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 40% Worf 35% Chekov 35% Spock 32% Deanna Troi 30% Mr. Scott 30% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 30% Mr. Sulu 25% Uhura 25% Beverly Crusher 20%

At times you are self-centered but you have many friends. You love many women, but the right woman could get you to settle down.

It’s Tuesday, I’m overheated from power walking at the nearby park, and feeling gross from the 32oz Gatorade I just drained, so it seems like the perfect time to point you towards several videos that have been amusing me lately.

Most of these are fairly recent creations; one or two of them are older, but new to me. Enjoy.

Funny or Die managed to get together all the guys who have ever played Presidents on SNL for a short video, and the results were pretty awesome:

Toby Jones runs several small businesses, and has created several commercials to educate you on his various services:

OK Go might be a terrible band, and their song “This Too Shall Pass” might blow a donkey, but the video for the song is pure genius: a gigantic Rube Goldberg filmed in one take:

There is nothing quite so fine as smoking the first cigar of the year. Even if that cigar has been in someone’s garage for several months, and is dried-out and brittle because of it.

Spring will soon be here, however, so I can look forward to smoking other, hopefully better cigars on future bright and sunny days. Cigarettes don’t do a thing for me, but man-oh-man do I love me some cigars.

Cigars: For when you want to give a courtly tip of the hat to mouth cancer.

Last Friday, Nate and I went to the Air Force Museum to indulge ourselves in school-style food at their cafeteria, a place we’ve been frequenting for ten years.

After a delicious if expensive lunch, surrounded by throngs of painfully young-looking high school students, we walked through several of the exhibits, including a gallery devoted to the Cold War. In the midst of this dark and gloomy exhibit was a hall laden with various phrases and images, which shone down onto the floor from overhead lights. One in particular read: BERLIN — CITY HELD HOSTAGE. It was very melodramatic in its presentation and I was quite taken with it, so of course we posed Kennedy with it.

Even bathed in a hellish red glow, she is so cute it makes me sick.