Lindsey came over yesterday evening for dinner and a movie. We made spaghetti with the help of the oh-so-delicious Kraft Tangy Italian seasoning mix. It is by far my favorite spaghetti sauce. Now if only they made it in a jar…sigh.
After eating tasty food, we watched FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL. I’ve seen it five or six times, but Lindsey hadn’t. I didn’t mind watching it again because it is so fucking awesome. Mila Kunis and Kristen Bell are hot, the script is witty, and Jason Segal and the other performers give hilarious performances. And the movie features a musical about Dracula. Performed by puppets. It’s the best idea in the history of the world, I think. Except for perhaps Snuggie. If Jason Segal would actually make a fully-realized Dracula musical with puppets I would totally fly out to Los Angeles or New York or whererever to see it.
Speaking of Snuggies, Lindsey got a little chilly during the movie:
That’s right: I own a Snuggie. Sod off, if you don’t like it. At least I can read a book or lift weights without my arms getting cold.
Everyone has a list of Christmas movies/specials that they tend to watch from year-to-year, right? Shows like that annoying RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER (just hand Rudolph some Sudafed and send his retarded ass packing), or A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS (one day Charlie Brown is going to show up with a roomsweeper, and all of his “friends” will immediately regret how they’ve treated him for the last sixty years).
Yeah, most of those Christmas specials suck. They’re cheesy and sappy, and generally involve the protagonist being shat upon by all the other characters, at least until the end, when everyone learns their lessons and become friends. They aren’t all bad or completely lacking in redeemable qualities, but they are a dime a dozen.
That said, here is my list of Christmas shows that I try to watch most years. The mix is somewhat eclectic, the sappiness is present but at a low, tolerable level, and the word “fuck” is used in three out of five of ‘em.
The late Jim Varney made many awesome movies as Ernest P. Worrell before making quite a few awful ones. This is one of the awesomes. Santa is being forced out by the Powers That Be, and Ernest must help convince Santa’s successor that he has the Right Stuff to take on the job. Despite all the silly physical humor you would expect, this film has a number of witty ideas that are executed well.
This one is a courtly tip o’ the hat to my childhood because, honestly, it’s quite dreadful to watch now. It’s saving grace is that, mercifully, it’s only 45 minutes long. I would try to recap its plot, which mixes Castle Grayskull with Santa Clause and Jesus, but Matt at X-Entertainment does a much better job. HM&SR:ACS has a number of “memorable” moments, including a truly sappy and awful Christmas song, but one of my favorite scenes is when Skeletor learns the true meaning of Christmas:
Terrorists that are funny, Bruce Willis as the ultimate “normal guy” hero, and the best use of the word “fuck” ever in a Christmas movie — DIE HARD is hella-fuckin, balls-to-the-wall awesome. And who doesn’t tear up at the “Ho ho ho, now I have a machine gun” scene?
My favorite Christmas movie, and a really great movie on its own. It is hilarious, eminently quotable, and illustrates not just how awesome Chevy Chase is, but how Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddy can steal the show from him:
If you haven’t seen CHRISTMAS VACATION, then I honestly don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you, and you need to watch it. Right now.
As Clark Griswold would say, it’s the movie where “Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny Fucking Kaye.” The only truly traditional “old school” entry on my list, I generally watch this on Christmas Eve at my parents’ house. I have a fondness for films from the “golden era of Hollywood” anyway, so this one is quite watchable, and it shows that I’m not a completely cynical bastard.
I saw AVATAR over the weekend, and like I said on Twitter, “If THE LAST SAMURAI and FERNGULLY: THE LAST RAINFOREST hooked up one night, AVATAR would be their delightful bastard spawn.”
It’s an okay movie, but seriously, James Cameron — was it really necessary to inflict the Papyrus font on us? Hasn’t it been used to death enough already? Wasn’t there a better choice of typeface available to you to use for AVATAR’s logo and subtitles other than a slight variation of fucking Papyrus?
For those who don’t know, Papyrus is one the most over-used fonts in the world. A day probably doesn’t go by that you won’t encounter Papyrus used on some form of sign, website, corporate logo, or product. A quick google actually reveals an entire website dedicated to the subject.
As gripes go, I suppose this is fairly small. AVATAR is pretty stunning. I just wish that at some point during the 14 years it took to make the film, someone would have had the balls to say,” Oh yeah. Totally sweet logo. Wait…doesn’t it kinda look a lot like the label on my delicious Snapple Red Tea?”
Or maybe there just wasn’t enough money left in the $350 million budget to buy a typeface that didn’t come with the standard Windows fontpack.
I attended Brandon and Krystel’s “Holiday Baazar” last night. The turnout was pretty good; I think twenty-or-so people showed up, which was the perfect number of people to cram into their living room and kitchen.
The dress code was either to be semi-formal or “wear an ugly sweater,” so with half of the attendees wearing dress shirts and looking like totally awesome pimps, and the other half attired in hideous thrift store sweaters and looking equally as awesome, the overall look was decidedly eclectic. (I brought a camera, but, alas, neglected to use it. If I find out anyone else took photos, I will be sure to link to them.)
The party was fun: I saw people that I hadn’t seen in a while, such as Nick and Diana, and Andrew. There was a gift exchange, done Dirty Santa-style. I ended up with a bottle of Jim Bean and a flask, items which I will gladly put to use.
Oh yeah: I played beer pong for the first time. It is a surprisingly fun game. Nick was my partner, and we lost to Ryan and Sean, though I made my first throw, so really it was FTW. Like many activities, beer pong somewhat brought out my competitive nature. Fortunately, I was too drunk at that point to really get too fired up, as I had already split two bottles of champagne laced with arsenic strawberry rum with Krystel.
For some reason that I cannot recall, I tried to do a handstand in B&K’s computer room. I was able to adequately execute a headstand, and then, with Krystel balancing my legs, I think I may have sort of done a handstand for about two seconds — until I toppled over, nearly breaking my neck in the process. Ryan may have filmed this as well. I’ll have to check on that.
It just occurred to me that this is the fifth Christmas party that our little group has orchestrated. It’s a tradition born from when a number of us — Brandon, Nick, Ryan, Krystel, Andrew, and myself — worked together at Wal-Mart. Back then, they were called Wal-Mart Christmas parties and they were held at Nick’s. The first one was held in 2005 (a recap can be found here), the year the Englewood store opened and Nick and I transferred there from Trotwood. Those were good days.
Every year, for the last five or so years, Scalzi relinks to it, and every year I reread it because a) it’s so damn funny, and b) I generally forget what most of the entries were. I also get jealous every year after I read it, because I would be hard-pressed to come up with anything so nearly as clever.
My favorite of the bunch is “The Lost Star Trek Christmas Episode: ‘A Most Illogical Holiday.’” It’s hilarious, and it’s about Star Trek, so what’s not to like? Here is a brief snippet:
Mr. Spock, with his pointy ears, is hailed as a messiah on a wintry world where elves toil for a mysterious master, revealed to be Santa just prior to the first commercial break. Santa, enraged, kills Ensign Jones and attacks the Enterprise in his sleigh. As Scotty works to keep the power flowing to the shields, Kirk and Bones infiltrate Santa’s headquarters. With the help of the comely and lonely Mrs. Claus, Kirk is led to the heart of the workshop, where he learns the truth: Santa is himself a pawn to a master computer, whose initial program is based on an ancient book of children’s Christmas tales.
To find out what happens to Captain Kirk & Co. next, go to Scalzi’s site. The Star Trek one is the fourth down. But while you’re there, you may as well read the rest. They’re worth it.
One of the nice things about having this big-ass Kroger in town is convenient access to many different kinds of wonderful soups. This morning, after leaving the gym, I stopped by Kroger and got a bowl of Tomato Basil Bisque soup. Similar to the tomato soup you might get out of a can of Campbell’s, the Kroger variety is thicker, creamier, and just plain better. It makes me go NOM NOM NOM.
Aside from the Tomato Basil Bisque, I also enjoy the Chicken Tortilla and the Chicken and Wild Rice soups. There are other soupy varieties at Kroger, many of which look as equally delicious, such as the Cream of Roasted Red Pepper soup. But most times that I go there they have one of my three favorites, so I usually just get one of those. Perhaps next time I’ll actually break down and try something new.
This guy I know, Nick Pappagiorgio, filmed a short movie with some of his friends. It is many things: charming, awkward, and more than a little NSFW. After watching it, you will probably feel somewhat discomforted. I know I was.
A scene from a masterpiece: Massacre on the Interstate. The dialog has not been edited and is read exactly how it’s written in the novel. There are 3 verbal additions, however, though they’re tasteful and only enhance the viewing experience.
In this scene, a man buys a hooker and is happy he shaved off all his pubic hairs.
I am writing this post at Boston Stoker, trying to work up the motivation to brave the cold and go home. Except for a bearded, corpulent fellow who is barefoot and reading a book, I am the only “customer” here. I put that in quotation marks because I finished my hot tea an hour ago, and am now more or less loitering.
Managed to write a little bit today. Not much, only 600 words. I’ve been fighting a damn cold all week and mostly losing. It’s been confined to my head, thankfully, so I haven’t been completely miserable. But it does seem to have fucked with my muse, a belligerent Brit who shouts at me, and I haven’t felt much inspired to write since Thanksgiving.
No, that’s not entirely accurate. I forgot that on Thursday I came up with a treatment for a short movie I’d like to make in the near future with Ryan. It’s called GENTLEMEN OF LEISURE for now. I’m going to let it percolate for a week or two, then write the script. It falls into the comedy/drama genre, which is much different from the sci-fi/urban fantasy I usually write. I’m going to have to stretch a bit to write it, and that excites me, which is reason enough to actually complete the script, even if it never makes it past the written stage.
There’s one more creative project that I’m entertaining doing: filming a live-reading of an old poem of mine called THE MONKEYS HAVE STOLEN MY CHEESE, but done in a “fireside chat” or Masterpiece Theatre style. I need to revamp the poem first before that goes anywhere. We’ll see if this one happens or not. At the very least, I think it could be fun to make.
It’s odd: the office closing and the intervening month seems like it has completely rejuvenated me, both creatively and in spirit. I want to make weird and fun things again, and hang out with people. I guess I never realized just how unhappy I had become over the last three years. Life has actually become enjoyable again, and being creative has been a large part of making it so.
Oh — the computer has just thrown up the low battery warning. Time to post this and scram.
