Ugh. It’s going on 13:30 and I’ve already been up nearly nine hours. I know others have been up even longer that, but this was the first Black Friday trench run I’ve ever experienced — at least from the consumer’s point of view — so I felt obligated to get up early and venture out with my dad to a few stores.

I picked up a few small deals while out: oil and a filter for my car for $5; an 8GB flash drive for $15; and THE DARK KNIGHT on dvd for $4. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, as I am not completely retarded and easily led to believe that I will get anything and everything that is a “great” deal today. Most of the stores were busy, but it was a manageable sort of busy, the kind that is kind of fun to be out in.

Except for Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart was hell.

We got there around 5:30. It was our second stop after Target. The parking lot was packed, but we found a spot easily enough, which made me think, Oh, this shouldn’t be too bad. Upon entering the store, however, I nearly shat myself. The queues for people waiting to check out stretched all the way to the back of the store, and over into the lawn and garden section. I couldn’t discern where it began. There were no gaps in the queue, which in many spots was two or more persons deep. Fortunately, a young fat woman was asleep at the wheel, staring down at her cell phone, and she had let a small space open. We dashed through it, hopped over an abandoned pallet, and then were through what I was sure was the worst of it.

Wrong.

A few moments later, we made our way back to the perimeter of the electronics department. This area was even more heavily congested, so much so that one could barely move, let alone shop. Getting in to the actual electronics area would have required a feat of magic, or perhaps Nightcrawler from the X-Men. So, bowing to the inevitable, I offered a quick word of condolence to Brandon, who was nearby working in the photo lab, and my dad and I turned around and slowly pushed our way through to the exit.

I worked these Black Fridays at Wal-Mart for five years. This was easily the busiest that joint had ever been.

So what am I really thankful for this year? That I no longer have to deal with working at that bullshit. All said, though, this morning’s experience was actually kind of fun.