Oh, Rummy. We’ll miss you so.
Moving on, the Washington Post has an interesting article up: “Democrats Find Lessons in GOP Reign.” It details how the new Democratic majority plans to be equal parts cautious and ambitious after coming into power, the latter being most prevalent in their planned first 100 hours:
House Democratic leaders have put forward an ambitious opening salvo for January, a 100-hour legislative blitz that includes raising the minimum wage, boosting alternative-energy research and repealing tax breaks for oil companies. They also want to beef up seaport screening, expand college tuition assistance, boost stem cell research and allow the federal government to negotiate lower drug prices under Medicare.
House Democrats also hope to approve rules changes to limit the influence of lobbyists, offer the minority party more input on legislation, curb home-state pet projects in spending bills and, possibly, give the District of Columbia voting rights on the House floor.
I have good feelings about the next two years. So long as the Democrats don’t go fucking batshit insano right off the bat and immediately alienate the moderate or more Republican-leaning citizens who helped get them into power, they might actually be able to start turning the country towards a better, more hopeful future.
Now that this election is behind (and thank Gods for it, too; I was already sick of all the campaign ads and rhetoric back in September), I’m starting to look towards the ’08 Presidential election. Currently, it seems Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham-Clinton are the front runners for the Democratic nomination, with John McCain leading the Republican nomination, but a whole lot can change in two years.
And now I’ll finish with some shameless self-promotion: Remember, in 2020, vote Josh Bales of the People’s Party For A United Earth for President.
I’m already starting to work on my stump speech. Here’s a rough excerpt:
“I will turn this planet into a Paradise, an Eden, not seen since two mythical celebrities never walked the Earth. And those who would oppose such a Paradise will be gently educated with harsh and punitive measures.”
JAB
I can be your vice president! Here’s my rough speech, sans fancy italics:
“I’m the vice president, and I’m ripe for sex scandels, so all hot White House secretaries need to report to my office with an inflatable pool and thirty gallons of chocolate pudding. No fat chicks.”
Sorry, friend. My vice-president needs to be able to spell “scandal” properly.
JAB
Voting rights on the house floor for DC could give democrats some needed leverage without re-districting, in future elections. I’d like to see what’s really going to happen though in the next two years. I could see Bush sharpening his “Veto Pen”.
(I know pens don’t need sharpening, but lets face it if anyones going to be sharpening a pen, it’s George W. Bush)
Can I at least get some kind of fun cabinet post? I’m sure I didn’t fuck up my spelling too horribly.
Can I be Press Secretary? I’m good at that stuff.
I just want to be a part of it! just give me a position in which i get to talk a lot because that’s what i am best at.
Very well.
Lindsey, you can be . . . um, in charge of Homeland Security. Your bubbly and talkative self will throw off all the insurgents that my administration will inevitably have to deal with.
Press Secretary is you, B. You can make the Press Corp cry.
Hmm . . . Nick. Perhaps the Attorney General? You canhelp me contain the Constitution.
Nate, I think you’d be perfect heading up the Department of Education. A sort of irony in that, eh? Perhaps you could hold a dual-position and also be in charge of the Office of National Drug Control Policy.
I also need a Secretary of War. Any takers?
JAB
I wasn’t sure if you’d bring back that cabinet, or just keep calling it “defense” for the sense of irony. I think I’d rather be Secretary of State/War. I’m way more clever and nasty than Rumsfeld or Rice. I could easily see proposing a first strike on the United Nations itself, or beguiling reporters with my charm, on issues that have nothing to with whats going on at all.
I’m glad to hear the Democrats plan on trying to implement the policies you have quoted. As long as some crazed Texan doesn’t intervene too much, it seems like we are headed in a better direction.
I considered keeping Defense, but I always liked the image “War Department” evoked. You make a good point, though, about the irony in Defense. It certainly fits better with the “charmingly evil” that my administration would probably be infamous for.
As far as the Democrats go, I honestly believe that they can’t do any worse than the Republicans have done.
Speaking of crazed Texans, I hear-tell that Jeb Bush, the current governor of Florida and brother to Bush II, is considering a run for President. Now wouldn’t that be fun.
JAB
Well you can’t be president then, because “Now wouldn’t that be fun” should end in a question mark and I, for one, may have spelled scandal incorrectly but at least my grammar is…good-like. And dammit, whether you like it or not, I have total dibs on VP. It’d be easier anyway if we worked in the same office; then I wouldn’t have to drag the 360 around so much.
We could just put it on the desk, and when you give speeches and shit, people would be able to see it and they’d be like “Oh, I really relate to what he’s saying because he plays video games like any average Joe.”
You know, cause the public is retarded like that.
You’ll be my Vice Bitch, if you aren’t careful. Anyway, a question mark isn’t necessary, because I wasn’t stating a real question and expecting an answer. It was more of a rhetorical statement, like “Now that would suck.”
How about you be my Chief of Staff? The Karl rove to my Dubya. The VP position has been filled already — I’m going to be holding that position concurrently while President.
JAB
You can’t be president AND vice president! I could see the news reports:
“Today is a great day for the Totalitarian States of America, as the president was assassinated by a well-placed Banana Bomb, Concrete Donkey and Salvation Army Lady, dropped by a Spider-man-ninja-rope rebel worm. He would have been succeeded by his vice president, but since he was, um, holding both offices at once, the position fell to the Speaker of the House. So like now we have two spots to fill. Fuck.”
And yes I’ll take your Chief of Staff, as long as there’s sexual debauchery to be had and impeached for.
Mmmm, peaches.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Speaker of the House? I thought you’d curb spending by eliminating two useless branches of government, therefore enabling us to not cut taxes, blaming it on “the old guard” two party system.