Today’s been pretty fucking awesome. Saw Superman Returns with Jason in IMAX 3D this morning in Cincinnati. It gets a rating of “B” for Bodacious. Best superhero film since Spider-Man II, hands down. It’s long, yes (about 2.5 hours), but I didn’t check my watch except for once, and that was because I was wondering how soon a particular ending scene was coming. That’s one of the ways I judge films now: how frequently I check my watch. For example, during Click I started checking my watch after twenty minutes and then about every fifteen minutes thereafter, because it was BAD. But with Superman Returns — only once. Go see it. I can’t recommend it enough.

The other cool part of today is that I finally finished chapter one of my book. (See the Novelogue for deets.) I’m about one-eleventh of the way done, and I’m still retaining interest in it thus far. Always a good sign.

On an entirely unrelated note, I downloaded the techno song from the ‘Venture Bros.’ season two premiere. It’s called “Everybody’s Free,” and it’s performed by Aquagen feat. Rozalla (you can listen to it here). It’s like the crack the kids are into these days: I can’t stay away from it.

JAB

Rated T for Tedious.

Don’t bother seeing Click! It’s not that it’s bad, per se, it’s that it’s pointless and unfunny. Aside from the lack of humor, there are other reasons to dislike this film: With the exception of a few scenes, Adam Sandler seemed like he was phoning in his performance in the first half of the movie. Also, the whole premise regarding a “remote that controls your universe” was woefully executed. It’s like the writers/director knew the remote had to be featured in a scene, but weren’t sure how to fit it in. It’s not like a watch or something, where he can wear it all the time; it’s a fucking remote control that Sandler has to keep in his pocket.

Hot-as-hell Kate Beckinsale as Sandler’s wife and Christopher Walken in yet another creepy off-the-wall role were the only interesting major characters. Seeing Beckinsale as a normal woman is kind of odd after just seeing her in Underworld: Evolution. She’s much softer in this, and prettier too. ‘Course she didn’t get naked in Click!, so Underworld Evolution gets a few more points.

I’d like to add that the whole section where the movie jumps into the future was really weird. It was by far the most intriguing development in the movie, but I feel it was wasted. The first half of the movie is pretty dumb, even by Adam Sandler standards. Then you get to this bittersweet future stuff, and it just doesn’t fit.

If you enjoy Adam Sandler’s dumb comedies like me, don’t watch this. Go rent The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy, Happy Gilmore, or 50 First Dates (the latter two are my personal favorites).

JAB

I’ve been busy this past week, but for the life of me I’m not sure what I’ve been doing. But there has been much busyness afoot; oh yes, much busyness.

Actually I’ve been spending a good chunk of my free time with my pop, since my mom and sister have been in Maryland/Pennsylvania since Monday visiting family. We’ve watched a lot of movies, dad and I have: Nacho Libre, Underworld, Underworld Evolution, and the last disc of the ‘Lone Gunmen.’ Tomorrow we go to see Adam Sandler’s new movie, Beep . . . or something. (Click is really the name, gentle reader; I am just funning you.) I am happy to report that all of the movies have been good (so far).

Let’s see . . . What else have I been up to? Well, there was Bill’s Burlesque Birthday Bash on Thursday. We went to Rollandia, played a round of mini golf which would have been more fun had it not been, I dunno, fucking hurricaning all over us. Four holes in, and then it’s like the Great Flood Part Deux is upon us. A few people, who shall remain nameless, chickened out and stood under something that possessed a roof, but four of us bravely played through, displaying just how awesome and manly we were. (On an entirely unrelated note, Justin and this kid named Dan died of pneumonia Saturday. Very sad.) Before the rain came, I also spent some time in the batting cages, hitting over a hundred baseballs reasonably well at speeds varying from “medium” to “very fast” to “so fast if it hits you in the head then say hello to a persistent vegetative state,” and making my ribs hurt the next day. But it was exhilarating. Following the drenching mini golf, a kind chap named Noah came by and offered us a lift in his boat. We declined, as we were going to Lazer Web, but we invited him along. He declined, citing “reasons maybe possibly biblical in nature.” Later that night, about fourteen of us went to O’Charley’s for, like, seventeen hours, and we were rowdy. Oh, and Bill threw up after one drink (Hi Bill!).

Umm . . . today I read half of a new book (Peter David’s fucking awesome Fall of Knight) outside in the sun, and later in the evening I nearly completed chapter one in my book. I’m a little pink right now in the chest, but it doesn’t hurt, not least because I’ve been spending quite a bit of time outside this year in the sun. There’s something about reading and writing outside on a bright summer day . . . it’s fucking awesome.

Aside from this stuff, I really want to go golfing again. Nate and I played some more Mario Golf Friday, and it was great fun, but damn it — I want the real thing! Perhaps in a few weeks, if I’m lucky.

Oh, and I think I might be signing up for Typepad soon. They have a thirty day free trial, and if I like it, I’ll just switch over to it for all my blogging Internet Post Application-ing needs.

One last thing: Anyone know offhand who said (and this is probably paraphrasing): “The most likely solution to a problem is usually the simplest one”? It’s for purposes of a research-y nature. Thanks.

JAB

I went golfing today for the second time in two weeks. Nate and I went last Friday, and my pop and I went today. Both times were at the same course: The par three course at Kitty Hawk, here in Dayton. I’m not very good yet, and I may never be, but I have a lot of fun playing.

When Nate and I went we sort of fucked around and played best lie. Probably the highlight of that outing was driving the golf cart really fast, and making Super-Duper Flying Octopus Grabs. A SDFOG basically consisted of one of us hanging out the side of the cart, trying to snag the ball as we sped by. It was fun.

My dad and I didn’t make any SDFOGs (except once, and, surprisingly, he told me to go faster), but we did golf a little better. I sucked royally at the beginning, save for my driving and putting, but by hole 11 and 12 my chipping and iron-work had greatly improved. I can’t wait to go back out again, maybe do a regulation golf course.

I’m not sure where this newfound interest in golf came from . . . but I think I’m gonna blame Nate. He’s the one, after all, who went golfing for some work outing, and said he had a good time. Yeah — blaming Nate sounds good.

JAB

I have a sideblog going on now, called Josh Bales’s Novelogue. Instead of describing what its about, I’m just gonna send you to the inaugural post, and you can read about it there. JBdN is still my main blog (or “online writing utensil” as Nate calls them), and it’s certainly not going anywhere. The Novelogue is an experiment, just like the Trinity test in New Mexico sixty years ago.

Here’s the link to the first post, entitled “Nothing Wrong With A Little Experimentation.”

JAB

I was googling for something a little bit ago and happened upon this old Photoshopped image from years past:

Upon seeing it again, the same thing flashed in my mind that did the first time I laid eyes on it: If its caption were really true, then cats would have been extinct long ago, like back in the time of the Pharaohs.

Can you imagine if instead of a cute widdle kitten, those Domo-Kun were chasing Osama bin-Laden? I wonder if, after seeing that images, would all the hardcore conservatives whip it out right then and there? Y’know, for freedom? I submit to you this scenario:

“Hunh,” the fat ugly white pundit groaned. “That’s right, America, Bill O’Reilly’s lookin’ out for you. I’m helping God out and making the world a safe place, one sperm at a time. Oh yeah . . . take this, al-Quaeda!” With a cry of dismay, he spurted.

Yuck. Now I just made myself nauseous.

JAB

That’s how much comment spam I just deleted from JBdN. And that’s just since yesterday around seven, when I deleted another one or two hundred. Barely 24 hours. Gods above, I’m just glad I’m holding all the comments for approval.

So that’s it. I’ll be instituting TypeKey in the next week or so. I have some time off this weekend, so maybe I’ll do it then.

Goddamnit, this fucking pisses me off.

JAB

Dear Tim Horton’s,

I’m not sure how to break this to you, but . . . I have a new favorite place to write now. I can’t explain it — just sort of happened, I guess. It first started a few days ago. This very attractive table moved onto the patio in my backyard. It had a cute little umbrella and comfy chairs. Anyway, it was in the evening, and I needed to do some writing. You just seemed so far away, Tim Horton’s, not to mention probably occupied by annoying teenagers. Then I glanced out back, saw the little table, and took a chance. Before I knew it, I was happily plugging away at Lappy.

And no, it wasn’t a one-time thing either. Not just a fluke I could pretend never happened. I went out today again,this time in the bright sun. The umbrella kept the sun out of my eyes and off Lappy’s LCD screen. Again, the words just poured out of me in heaping amounts of productivity. It was glorious.

I know this is asking a lot, but I’d like to still be friends. I understand that you probably don’t want to see me for a while. But maybe in a few months, after you’ve moved on and stopped hating me (and when the weather has become cold and unpleasant), we could hang out. Until then, good-bye.

Sincerely,

Josh