I checked my email earlier and was annoyed to discover that there were over 200 pieces of comment spam posted on this site since yesterday. 200! This kinda pissed me off so I enabled comment moderation, which means that whenever you post a comment I have to approve it. ‘S’not a big deal; just means your comment might not appear for a few hours.

I don’t like doing this, however, so I’m considering one of two other options in place of it.

Word Verification: When you go to post a comment, a little image appears with six or seven letters, which you have to then type into a box to post your comment. Pretty simple to do, unless you have trouble reading the letters, which are usually wavy or some such nonsense. I’ve never had any issues with it, personally.

Typekey Registration: With Typekey, the very first time you’d go to post a comment, you would have to click on a link which would take you to another site, which looks like this. There, you would register, which is really easy to do, and then you would follow a link back to my site, where you are free to comment. The nice thing about Typekey is that the username and password you create don’t onlywork for JBdN, they work for any other blog that chooses to use Typekey. Also, it gives you an option to remain signed-in for two weeks at a time. If you post a comment after ten days, then you’re good to go for another two weeks. You can visit my Typekey profile here.

If you can’t tell, I’m leaning towards the Typekey route. It would just be make my Interweeb life a whole lot easier. So what are your guys’ thoughts on the matter? Do you have a preference between the two? If I did go with Typekey, would you bother to create an account, or would you just cease commenting?

I was going to post some pictures tonight, but the commenting issue distracted me. I’m also starting to get sick, courtesy of my mom and sister, so I believe I’ll just retire for the evening and possibly finish my book.

JAB

I got my hair cut this morning, since there’s so much shit going on this weekend. The girl who cut it was kind of new, said she’s been working there for about a month now, and she’s only, like, twenty-two. She asked me how I wanted it cut, and I explained that I usually have clippers with a four-guard for the sides of my head, and then they use scissors to cut the top. She’s really nice, we’re talking, she uses the clippers to shorten the sides of my hair. Then I feel the razor cut right down the top-center of my head. I stop mid-sentence, confused. Did she just . . . ? I think.

She pauses, tensing slightly. “Did you want the clippers for your whole head, or just the sides?”

“Umm . . . just the sides.”

“Shit,” she mutters under her breath.

She proceeds to apologize profusely. I said it was no big deal, ’cause it really wasn’t and she was pretty upset. She then uses the clippers on the rest of my hair, since it would just look strange if she didn’t, and I get my haircut for free. It doesn’t really look that bad, just a lot different from what I’m used to. It’s just hair; it’ll grow back in six weeks or so. In the mean time, I don’t have to do shit to it in the mornings at least.

And as a bonus, all day I’ve been able to tell people that I decided to go for the trendy Hollywood look, like Brad Pitt, thus garnering some odd looks. It’s been fun.

JAB

After a huge computer clusterfuck, where my hard drive decided that it was more corrupt than a Republican Congressman, things finally are (mostly) back to normal.

I awoke Saturday morning to discover that my computer was stuck on the boot sequence. Seems the hard drive no longer existed, at least according to the OS. Some time and much panic later, I determined that, yes, my hard drive was shot, and all my files were gone. Gone.

I was not pleased, as you may imagine.

So I bought a new hard drive, although a heavy cloud of gloom and depression was settling above me. My music, list of authors, porn, and more: All of it was now so much worthless digital bits. The one bright spot was that all of my stories and other creative endeavors were still alive, having been continuously saved onto a flash drive after each writing session. Still, despite this small fortune, I was not in a good mood.

Enter Ryan.

In the hopes of somehow rescuing my mortally-wounded hard drive and its veritable cornucopia of files, I had been getting in contact with anyone I knew who had experience with computers and their hidden nether regions. Ryan happened to be the first person to get back to me, and, remarkably, his solution worked. I was able to miraculously reconnect the all-but-dead hard drive to my new one, and recover all of my lost files. Every last one of ‘em. Now I just have to go through the tedious process of reinstalling all of my programs and whatnot; a tedium I’ve readily and enthusiastically been sitting through. It would seem of ill-spirit to complain, since I have my precious musics and porns and whatnots back.

I know I shouldn’t let my computer and its many files own me, but goddamnit I wanted that shit back. And now I do. So may the gods smile down upon you and bless you, Ryan. And while I’m at it, may the gods bless Robin Hood, since, whenever you god(s)-bless anyone, it’s, like, an unwritten rule or something to bless Robin Hood. I read it on Wikipedia. I think. Or I could’ve just made that up.

JAB

I can’t believe that it’s not even five yet, and I’ve already had a very productive day. Aside from going to the gym and doing yard work, I also went to Tim Horton’s to get some writing done. Before writing a thousand or so words on a much longer project that I’m really not ready to much discuss yet*, I did one last edit on a story I wrote a couple-of-two months back. It’s a — what else — sci-fi story called “The Last Echo of Humanity.” I believe I posted the first paragrpah of it some time before.

As I said in that post, this is technically a “reimagining” of another story I wrote four years back that was called “Rebirth.” Except stylistically that story sucked, whereas though this one has same plot — albeit much expanded — it’s a lot better written. Before I send it off, I’d like to get the opinions of two of my readers, just in case Nate and I missed some gaping plot hole or otherwise important aspect of the story. But apparently they both hate me, which is the only reason I can come up with as to why they haven’t returned “LEOH” to me yet.

This makes five short stories I’ve written this year**, which is far more than I’ve ever done before. I’ve improved in leaps and bounds in just six months. Like I’ve evolved from Homo erectus to Homo floresiensis. One day I’ll reach Homo sapiens. Of course I must still be pretty stupid since I just opened myself to any number of “homo” jokes. Maybe I should delete this little metaphor all together. Fuck it; I’ll leave it.

So yeah. “The Last Echo of Humanity.” I’m proud of it. Maybe someone will actually buy this one.

JAB

* Primarily because if I do so publicly, then more people will be able to watch me (or read about me) fall flat on my face like I inevitably will.

** One of which is still awaiting editing, and another which I might abandon completely, because I think it sucks. So it goes.

I’ve missed the past few weeks of “Family Guy,” so I downloaded the episodes earlier and just finished watching them. “Family Guy” is an odd show for me. I remember watching it back in Ninety-Nine and Aught-Zero and really liking it, when FOX would fuck around and air it in a different time slot every other week. Then it came out on DVD a few years ago, and damn it was funny as hell again. Cartoon Network also started airing it, and between the two mediums, it brought in a crazy amount of new viewers, which led FOX to resurrect it. So then I watch the first new episode, the one about the sequel to Passion of the Christ . . . and it was just okay. It had a few good asides, but the whole of the episode was a little “blah.” And ever since I’ve sort of felt that way about the show. Don’t get me wrong: Some of the new episodes after that have been the best that the show has ever produced, like the one where Brian goes back to college that the features the “crazy stairs” gag, and the one where there’s the seemingless endless gag where Stewies asks Brian aout his novel. Yet some of them have been terrible, like the writers are trying their damnedest to be unfunny.

I dunno. I enjoy the newer episodes for the most part, but they’re really hit or miss when compared to the awesomeness that were the second and third seasons. Still, all of the newer seasons are cinema gold (or I guess it would be television gold) compared to the tripe that is “American Dad.” I know the show is supposed to be different than “Family Guy,” a point which I thoroughly understand, but I have yet to see an episode of it that is hilarious. Hell, I’d settle for one that is just funny. But every episode (and keep in mind that, yes, I do realize this is only my opinion) of that show tries so hard to be shocking and funny . . . yet only comes off as tedious. I’ve tried to like it and fail every time. Although it should be noted that the episode where they’re making fun of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” — and all the original cast members reprise their characters’ voices — is one of the funniest asides of either show.

One last thing about the “Family Guy” episodes I downloaded: The bit where Stewie is stuck in the TV and sings the beginning of “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins — and his voice is distorted, and then he does the drum intro — was priceless.

JAB

Un-fucking-believable. No, actually, I guess it’s not that unbelievable at all that President Bush lied to the American public. Again. Last year, when it was leaked out that the President had authorized the NSA to eavesdrop on people who were suspected to have links to terrorist organizations, Bush stressed that only emails or phone calls where one party was outside the USA were being monitored. But it turns out he may have left out a small bit of information:

The National Security Agency has been secretly collecting the phone call records of tens of millions of Americans, using data provided by AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth, people with direct knowledge of the arrangement told USA TODAY.

The NSA program reaches into homes and businesses across the nation by amassing information about the calls of ordinary Americans — most of whom aren’t suspected of any crime. This program does not involve the NSA listening to or recording conversations. But the spy agency is using the data to analyze calling patterns in an effort to detect terrorist activity, sources said in separate interviews.

“It’s the largest database ever assembled in the world,” said one person, who, like the others who agreed to talk about the NSA’s activities, declined to be identified by name or affiliation. The agency’s goal is “to create a database of every call ever made” within the nation’s borders, this person added.

For the customers of these companies, it means that the government has detailed records of calls they made — across town or across the country — to family members, co-workers, business contacts and others.

The three telecommunications companies are working under contract with the NSA, which launched the program in 2001 shortly after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, the sources said. The program is aimed at identifying and tracking suspected terrorists, they said.

The sources would talk only under a guarantee of anonymity because the NSA program is secret.

Air Force Gen. Michael Hayden, nominated Monday by President Bush to become the director of the CIA, headed the NSA from March 1999 to April 2005. In that post, Hayden would have overseen the agency’s domestic call-tracking program. Hayden declined to comment about the program.

The NSA’s domestic program, as described by sources, is far more expansive than what the White House has acknowledged. Last year, Bush said he had authorized the NSA to eavesdrop — without warrants — on international calls and international e-mails of people suspected of having links to terrorists when one party to the communication is in the USA. Warrants have also not been used in the NSA’s efforts to create a national call database.

In defending the previously disclosed program, Bush insisted that the NSA was focused exclusively on international calls. “In other words,” Bush explained, “one end of the communication must be outside the United States.”

As a result, domestic call records — those of calls that originate and terminate within U.S. borders — were believed to be private.

Sources, however, say that is not the case. With access to records of billions of domestic calls, the NSA has gained a secret window into the communications habits of millions of Americans. Customers’ names, street addresses and other personal information are not being handed over as part of NSA’s domestic program, the sources said. But the phone numbers the NSA collects can easily be cross-checked with other databases to obtain that information.

Don Weber, a senior spokesman for the NSA, declined to discuss the agency’s operations. “Given the nature of the work we do, it would be irresponsible to comment on actual or alleged operational issues; therefore, we have no information to provide,” he said. “However, it is important to note that NSA takes its legal responsibilities seriously and operates within the law.”

The White House would not discuss the domestic call-tracking program. “There is no domestic surveillance without court approval,” said Dana Perino, deputy press secretary, referring to actual eavesdropping.

She added that all national intelligence activities undertaken by the federal government “are lawful, necessary and required for the pursuit of al-Qaeda and affiliated terrorists.” All government-sponsored intelligence activities “are carefully reviewed and monitored,” Perino said. She also noted that “all appropriate members of Congress have been briefed on the intelligence efforts of the United States.”

The government is collecting “external” data on domestic phone calls but is not intercepting “internals,” a term for the actual content of the communication, according to a U.S. intelligence official familiar with the program. This kind of data collection from phone companies is not uncommon; it’s been done before, though never on this large a scale, the official said. The data are used for “social network analysis,” the official said, meaning to study how terrorist networks contact each other and how they are tied together.

John Scalzi has written before that he thinks our government works most effectively when one party controls the Congress and the other the Presidency. It establishes something that’s been almost unheard of in this country for the past six years: a system of checks and balances. Scalzi’s thoughts on this subject have merit, I think, because the GOP-controlled Congress is doing a terrible job of checking President Bush’s mad grabs for power. Lump in the U.S. Supreme Court, which has taken a huge swing to the right in the last year, and now we have the other two branches of government — the checks and balances — that can’t seem to get out of the President’s way fast enough. Sure, upon news of this being leaked today, Republican Senators and Congresspersons made a huge stink about it, saying that such spying is wrong, that there will be investigations, and blah blah blah. . . .

What, do they think we’re retarded? Nothing is going to change. In a few weeks, this whole clusterfuck will blow over, the cable news channels will have moved onto something else, and President Bush and his Death Commandos will continue to merrily steamroll over our civil rights. And what’s worse, when the elections roll around this fall, despite the abysmal job that the Bush Youth Brigade* has done, despite how low they’re ranking in the polls right now, the fucksticks of America will re-elect the Republicans and our country will continue to accept the unlubricated assfucking we’ve been taking ever since November of 2000.

Times like this I wish I had the money to buy my boat and just sail on down to the Caribbean.

JAB

*Even though the “Bush Fat-Old-White Brigade” would be more accurate. What can I say; I like Hitler parallels in regards to Bush.

Probably nine-tenths of all the email I get is spam. Between the offers to help me get an erection and give me a cheap home-owner’s loan, most of it’s crap. That’s why when I received a fairly funny joke in a piece of spam, I was surprised. Flabbergasted, even. And it wasn’t an entirely lame joke, either. It’s about a lone black man amongst a crowd of white people and boasts a smile-worthy climax. Ah, racial humor . . . always funny. Except some of the jokes and “stories” Nate occasionally forwards me from TShirtHell.com. Those, like the most recent one he sent me entitled “The Immaculate Abortion,” can almost be so disturbing as to overwhelm even my admittedly rank sensibilites.

Anyway, here’s the joke-within-spam:

A rich white man threw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors, including Leroy, the only black guy in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating BBQ and flirting with the women. At the height of the party, the host said, “I came home from a business trip and I found a 10 foot alligator got in my pool and I can’t find anybody who will come and take him away. I’d give a million dollars to anyone who would do the job!” The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! He was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and chokeholds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Kung-Fu master. The water was churning and splashing in the struggle. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the surface. He slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was staring in disbelief. Finally the host says, “Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.” “I don’t want it,” said Leroy, panting. The rich man said, “Leroy, I have to give you something! You won the bet.” Leroy said, “I would be satisfied if you gave me the name of whichever one of these white motherf**kers it was that pushed me in the pool.”

So let’s see. That makes, like, one useful piece of spam I’ve ever received, versus something on the magnitude of one-million craptastic pieces that flood my inbox like so many New Orleans. With odds like that, I think I should never, ever go to Vegas.

JAB

I’m a little late on this one, but since I just got around to watching the video in question today, I figure I’m okay.

Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report, Daily Show) recently delivered a speech at the White House Press Correspondents’ Dinner, and he was hilarious. He said all sorts to biting, funny and true things about the Bush Administration and the supposedly “liberal” media in bed with them that few would be bold enough to say in front of the President himself and his cronies. Shockingly, they didn’t see the humor in it.

To watch the speech in its entirety, go here and click on the link that says it’s part 2. Why it says “part 2″ I don’t know, because it’s the whole thing, but click on it to watch the speech. Part 1 is basically the same as 2, but appears to be of slightly lesser quality. The speech itself is about 20 minutes long and the video is streamed, so it loads pretty fast.

I think my favorite bit is when Colbert is talking about an interview he did with Reverend Jesse Jackson:

“[Jesse Jackson] is a very challenging interview. . . It’s like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor by the way because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.”

Great stuff. Well worth your time.

JAB

I feel much more refreshed now after having showered off the stench of le piste de bowling. Truly there’s nothing like the combined feeling of stale cigarette smoke and the unique odor exuded by sweaty bowlers to give one’s skin a nice, glossy sheen like that of a rotting fish. The bowling alley’s atmosphere was so viscous you could almost cut through it with the edge of an ash tray.

Tonight was the first Photo Lab Night held in some time. A confluence of busy schedules, lackadaisical persons (me), and a temporary apathy towards bowling was the cause. Sure, we could do something other than bowling, and we have: the last thing we all did together was go see V for Vendetta, and it was awesome. But other than bowling or the occasional movie, there just really isn’t that much else to do after nine pm (when a number of people get off work). Though the attendance tonight was sparse (only Jason, Andrew, and I were there), it was fun. We bowled, most of us doing pretty well, and then went to Steak N Shake. ‘Twas a good time had by all.

Andrew just got his apartment, and I’m very jealous. It’s a two-bedroom for only $430 a month. Of course, it’s in Trotwood (Westbrook Village), so maybe I’m not too jealous after all.

JAB