SECOND-RATE WRITER CONDESCENDS TO LIMITED READERSHIP

January 29th, 2006 at 6:43 pm | Daylog, Writing

It’s been a busy last few days.

Hung out with some people from work on Thursday, eating at the exquisite Dewey’s pizza. Friday I hung out with Nate. We drove around, played some Need For Speed: Something Involving the Underground, and tormented Trevor. It was a lark. Yesterday, I worked till five. Afterwards, Jason, Bill and I went to O’Charley’s, which has sweet chicken tenders, and waited for Adam — who was in town for some family thing — to call. Around ten or so, we met him at Tim Horton’s and spent three hours there. Adam and I talked at length about web design, and I think we bored the shit out of Bill and Jason. I swear I saw the exact moment when Jason’s eyes glazed over.

Today I did family stuff, and set up my brand-new-fucking-awesome laser printer. It’s sooo cool. Currently as I write this I’m, yet again, at Tim Horton’s. I felt the beginnings of a headache forming, so I got the fuck outta Dodge while I could. Plus, I wanted to get some work down. After reviewing the edits and suggestions from Jason and Nate, I applied the finishing touches to “Yesterday’s Ghosts” (formerly “Another Door Opens”). Now that I have a handy-dandy laser printer, I’ll print it out tonight or tomorrow, instead of waiting till Thursday and using Habitat’s printer, as I’ve done in the past.

Speaking of…

I want to solicit y’alls help again. I’ve mentioned before how I didn’t like “Another Door Opens,” so consequently changed it to “Yesterday’s Ghosts,” but I’m not yet 100% satisfied with it. A few more possible titles have come to mind, so I thought I’d get your opinion(s). Here is the pool of Potentials:

“Yesterday’s Ghosts” (current title)

“Another Door Opens” (former title)

“Ghosts of Yesterday” (a derivation of the current title)

“Ghosts Past”

And the one I’m currently leaning towards…

“A Planet Behind” (corresponds to the final line in the story)

I’m also willing to entertain any other suggestions from the peanut gallery (in reference to this entry’s “headline”).

But seriously, thanks in advance.

JAB

GRUMPY OLD MEN

January 24th, 2006 at 11:39 pm | Daylog

I was sitting at Tim Horton’s today, drinking my $1.55 mocha, when these two old guys sit at the table next to me. They immediately start bitching about how Tim Horton’s parking lot is full of cars that belong to Buffalo Wild Wings’ patrons. For those who aren’t familiar with Englewood, BW3′s parking lot has about twenty spaces, and — especially on Tuesday, when wings are like thirty cents — that’s really not a lot of room. So the overflow goes to Tim Horton’s. TH has maybe two or three cars in their parking lot at any given time.

These old guys, who to me physically resembled Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon, kept talking loudly at people who’d park in TH’s parking lot, then go to BW3′s. It was pretty distracting, though amusing. I’m just glad I was already 95% done with the work I wanted to accomplish. Then they started lamenting how BW3 is hurting Bolt’s (an older, similar, and superior restaurant across the street), and how the food is better there. These are both sentiments I agree with. Bolt’s is awesome.

Suddenly I found myself nodding in agreement with the old timers. There was a small pause as both men silently drank their coffee.

“You know,” Walter said, “someone should just set fire to Buffalo’s.”

I nearly spit out my mocha.

“What the hell did you say?” Jack said, regarding his friend in disbelief. “You want to set fire to Buffalo’s?”

Walter shook his head. “No, no. I said someone, not me.”

A long moment. “What the hell, Scotty?” asked Jack.

“If someone set it on fire, then everything would be better. Bolt’s business would pick up, and people’d stop parking at this guy’s place.” (He kept referring to Tim Horton’s as though Tim himself were actually there and cared enough to fight the parking lot injustice.)

“Okay,” Jack said, still a little disconcerted. “Whatever you say. Just seems a little harsh to me.”

I left shortly thereafter, but thinking about it now, I agree with Mr. Matthau. Someone should make the world a better place and set fire to that wretched eatery. So how ’bout it, Jason? Up for some arson?

JAB

CALL ME SNAKE

January 22nd, 2006 at 11:41 pm | Writing

My damn head hurts, all because of the evil couch in the family room. If I lie down on it for more than two hours, it gives me a headache like motherfucking clockwork. I know, I know — “Gee Josh why don’t you just lie down on a different couch or sit up LOL?”

The answer is because I hate you.

I was hoping to start the editing process on the story I finished two weeks ago (tentatively titled “Another Door Opens” even though I really don’t like that name), but I’ll forgo that for tonight since the head hurts. It’s been a productive week and weekend, though. With the help of Tim Horton’s and Reggie and the Full Effect, I finished another story yesterday called “Getting Shifted.” It’s a sort of pseudo-fantasy yarn (I hate that word) and contains a fair amount of humor. Once I get done editing “Another Door Opens,” I intend to start work on another story I’ve been thinking about the last few days. Once it’s finished, then I’ll go and edit “Getting Shifted.” This way I can alternate between writing and editing, and gain a little perspective on a finished story, which makes being dispassionate during the editing stage much easier. And I’m fairly certain that last sentence was way too convoluted, but I don’t care. ‘Cause right now, I’m gonna go lie down on my nice comfy bed and watch a great cinema classic: Escape from LA.

JAB

CAN YOU SEE ME NOW?

January 19th, 2006 at 5:51 pm | Developmental Issues

Can everyone see the banner at the top of the page? I was at Habitat earlier, and on the computer I was using the banner was not visible. I checked the source code, and it didn’t even show that an image should be there. Very strange…

Now that I’m thinking about it, how does everything else about JBdN look? I’m not sure if I’ve asked before, and I don’t feel like going through my old posts to find out.

A week or so ago, I changed the font style and made it a bit bigger. It seems more readable now to me. Do you like it better?

And while I’m on this tangent, what are your feelings towards me? Do I talk too much? Too little? Am I funny looking? Are my thoughts on sensitive subjects — like intelligent design and mormonism…ism — too mean or idiotic to you?

Let me know, bitches.

JAB

FUCK ME

January 18th, 2006 at 6:19 pm | Crazy Internets, Music

God damn it. I just had to — had to — click the play button. It sat there on the video, taunting me, and not wanting to be branded a pussy, I clicked on it. I clicked on the Ooga Chakka. And now my dreams will forever be haunted by its ghastliness.

And since I am a despicable person, I’m going to give you the option of clicking on it and hating yourself:

So go ahead. Click on the Ooga Chakka. Or are you a pussy? That’s what I thought.

JAB

BOWLING FOR POOP

January 17th, 2006 at 8:51 pm | Daylog

My work week is almost over, thankfully. We’ve hit our post-holiday slowdown, and time seems to remain at a standstill while I’m at work. Standing around in the photo lab, bullshitting with people is apparently my new job description. One more day, though, and then I get two off. Huzzah!

Sunday, we at the photo lab (including Ryan, Bill, and Krystel) hung out and went bowling. Excluding the Christmas party, it was our first “Photo Lab Night” in a while. As per usual, I had a good time despite the stupid drama that is a fixture at these events. We met at the ‘Weed (Tumbleweed’s) after people got off work, ate some food, then went to Thunderbowl for about an hour, and hour we didn’t bowl. That shithole was packed, no lanes were available, the music was deafeningly loud. We called around to other bowling alleys in or around the area, but all of them were either closed or abandoned. Running out of options, we finally said “Fuck it,” and drove out to Huber Heights to see if this mythical bowling alley there was open. It was, and it rocked. It possessed fifty or so lanes, played music at a reasonable level, and wasn’t as smelly as Thunderbowl. As they closed at midnight, and after pissing away a good portion of the evening at T-Bowl, we only were able to bowl two games. But it was sweet. I bowled a 150-something and a 181. Not bad, considering I irregularly bowl. I think my average when I used to be in a league — back in the day, eight years ago — was in the upper 140s.

Bowling’s the one sport I’m decent at. Once again, I was reminded how much I enjoy it and how much I’d like to be in a league again. Alas, perhaps when I get another job.

I’ve got no pictures to post; forgot my camera. Nick brought his sweet ass camera and took a few, so if he posts them on his site — or if he’d like to send ‘em over my way — I shall post them for your viewing pleasure.

JAB

A DIRTY SHAME INDEED

January 11th, 2006 at 7:40 pm | Daylog

I’m working on the rewrite of a new as-of-yet untitled story right now, while I wait for Sarah to call. We’re going to watch some newer John Waters movie, A Dirty Shame. I was able to get the “NC-17″ version from Netflix, since all of the video stores around here are pussies and only stock the “R” version. When I called Blockbuster a few weeks back, I felt a little bit like a pervert asking if they had the “NC-17″ copy. The girl at Blockbuster politely informed me that they don’t carry any “NC-17″ movies at all, or at least movies that have both a “NC-17″ and a “R” version because Blockbuster is a “family” company. If she hadn’t added the bit about being a “family” store, I wouldn’t have even given a shit, but that really pissed me off. Never mind the fact that they happily carry all sorts of unrated films, which are pretty much the same thing as “NC-17.” It speaks for everything that is wrong with the screwed up values of this country — but I’m not going to get into that now.

What I really wanted to do was ask the girl, if they’re a family store, then why do they carry The Devil’s Rejects, which is decidedly not a family movie. Though I suppose one could make the case for it being “family-oriented,” since at one point in the film, the main characters — the Firefly family — torture and kill another family of characters — but that would be digressing, and I don’t do that.

So as much as I wanted, I didn’t cause a scene. The girl is probably just programmed to respond that way to customers, and I was also at work, so there wasn’t a whole lot of time to be a dick. But damned if I wasn’t mad, and I’ve sort of pissed myself off again just by briefly writing about it.

Well, I’m gonna go back to work now. But before I sign off, I thought I’d point you to an interesting video:

Red State Update is a funny little site, and the satire to be found is very subtle. This update is about the movies King Kong and Brokeback Mountain…but the satire is all about Brokeback. Watch it, and guffaw in amusement.

JAB

MY MIND IS BLANK

January 6th, 2006 at 10:05 pm | Books, Writing

2006 has so far been a very good year for me, writing-wise. I mailed out “Into the Abyss” to F&SF, started the revisions to “Thirty Well Spent,” and last night I did something I’ve never done before. I wrote an entire story from start to finish in one sitting. It’s a bit shorter than the other two I mentioned, about 3000+ words, but for me that’s still quite an accomplishment. I’d like to be able to keep that momentum going for the rest of the year, but we’ll just have to see what happens. Otherwise, I haven’t been doing shit. I finally got over being sick, though I may have passed it on to my sister. Sucks for her, but the important thing is that I’m feeling better.

Also, I just finished reading tonight what I think is one of the best books period I’ve read in some time. It’s called Old Man’s War and it’s by John Scalzi. This novel has one of the more original plots I’ve seen in a long time and an engaging protagonist you quickly come to care for, while still easily providing the wit of a Peter David book. So if you like sci-fi books or Starship Troopers (as that is what the OMW has been compared to), I highly recommend Old Man’s War.

Okay, my book pimping is done. Time to get back to the writing.

JAB

WHEDON PREDICTS

January 1st, 2006 at 12:05 pm | Crazy Internets, Daylog

Happy New Year, blah blah, I hate being sick.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to point out a guest column in that unholy abomination known as TV Guide by my hero, Joss Whedon. In it, he looks towards the future of television and predicts not just what shows we’ll probably be seeing, but how we’ll be seeing them:

Many people have asked me, “Joss, what is the future of television? What will we watch? And how will we watch it? Surely you must know, for you are wise, and slender.” I usually smile and say nothing, because I wasn’t actually listening to the question. But it’s a good one, and I think it’s time I let you in on a few highlights of Television-to-Be.

The networks will all be creating exciting, innovative new spin-offs of today’s shows. Approximately 67 percent of all television will be CSI-based, including CSI: Des Moines, CSI: New York but a Different Part than Gary Sinise Is In and NCSI: SVU WKRP, which covers every possible gruesome crime with a groovin’ ’70s beat. (Jerry Bruckheimer will also have conquered Broadway with the CSI musical “FOLLICLE!” starring Nathan Lane as a frenetic but lovable blood spatter and Matthew Broderick as lint.)

Lost has that one-of-a-kind alchemy that really can’t be copied. Therefore, look for the original series Misplaced, as well as Unfound, Not So Much with the Whereabouts and Just Pull Over and Ask!

(more…)

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