Amazing. How do I manage to find all of the dicks on Yahoo Pool?

This little gem occurred while I was taking a break from editing the first completed issue of “Destiny”:

jayrip2004: well well well we have satan da devil

satanismymojo: something like that

jayrip2004: sorry but i cant associate myself with one who associates themselves with the liar satan the devil satan is a liar and god hates liars so therefore i hate liars god can not lie

satanismymojo: whatever floats your boat

satanismymojo: but notice how i don’t hate you just ’cause your beliefs differ with mine

jayrip2004: i cant hear you liar

satanismymojo: of course you cant — i’m typing, not talking

jayrip2004: whatever liar

satanismymojo: sigh. anyways…

satanismymojo: so, go ahead and feel superior, since that’s obviously what you’re best at

At this point, I have been steadily kicking jayrip2004′s ass (who is a girl) for the past few minutes. She has just blown her shot and left me a clear path to the 8-ball and to the pocket. At this point, the little coward tries to cancel the game so it doesn’t show up as a loss on her stats and, consequently, drag her score down.

I, of course, am accomodating:

*** Cancel requested.
*** Cancel denied.

…and right before I make my easily sinkable shot, I can’t help but to make one more remark.

satanismymojo: now you can go

Okay, two more.

satanismymojo: hatemonger

jayrip2004 leaves with no further comment.

I’m willing to bet I’m gonna get a lot of these religious zealots with a name like satanismymojo. My goal from here on out is to make them all cry. That’s right — cry for mama.

JAB

These past two days have been excellent to have off work: gorgeous fucking weather and getting shit done.

Yesterday I went through the arduous task of cleaning my room out. It’s not that it’s dirty, there’s just shit everywhere. No, there aren’t steaming piles of feces joyfully scattered throughout my room, just old boxes of baseball cards, college notebooks and folders from three years ago, comic books and DVDs stacked on every flat surface, and a multitude of books on the overflowing bookshelves.

It took about three hours to bring order to chaos, but my room now looks a hell of a lot better and, even cooler, I actually have space to expand. I’m selling a bunch of books and baseball cards in my mom’s upcoming garage sale, and I made the painful decision to sell off some old books that, in all likelihood, I’ll never read again. I swear, it was like trying to decide which of my various and sundry metaphorical children to sell off.

Today I first went to the Bookery to buy comics, then came home and took advantage of the sunny and warm day and washed my car (yes, Nate and Erin, I even washed my wheels — just for you). After doing that, I sat on the patio, reveling in the cancer-causing rays emanating from the sun, and began plotting a new comic story.

‘Twas glorious, says I.

JAB

Real quick, tonight on the Sci Fi channel a movie is airing called Alien Apocalypse. Though you’d never guess from the title, the movie is about an alien invasion and — this is the only reason I’d ever watch a made-for-tv scifi movie — is starring Bruce Campbell.

I saw a preview for it last week and Campbell basically plays Ash in the film. Whether it’ll be good or not is up in the air, but at the very least it should be entertaining.

Like I said, it’s on the Sci Fi channel starting at 9:00 pm EST tonight (Saturday, March 26). If you miss it, it also airs again at 1 am.

Update: I watched Alien Apocalypse the other night, and it wasn’t that bad. Sure, Bruce Campbell wasn’t quite as Ash-like as the commercials portrayed him, but he was still entertaining as the Doctor.

The plot boils down to this: while Campbell and his crew of astronauts were in space, asleep for forty years, a bunch of aliens invaded Earth for its abundance of wood. His ship lands, discovers there are aliens, and then all the crew dies except for him and the pretty love interest. I think everyone knows what to expect from here on out: he convinces the humans to stand up against the aliens, leads them in revolt, and ultimately wins while getting the girl. Sure, it’s slightly formulaic, but it was fun.

My one major complaint with the movie is that it almost took itself too seriously. It’s — obviously — a low budget, made-for-tv movie, so the effects aren’t that great, nor is the acting, with the exception of Campbell. Had the movie’s tone been more tongue-in-cheek, I think it would have worked better for me. Instead, it comes off as just a little bit hokey.

There was one running gag that was pretty funny: throughout the whole movie, Campbell states how he wants to be known as the “Great Healer,” since no one in the future knows what a doctor is anymore. At the end of the movie, even after having helped out so many other people along the way, he does named a Great Something, but it ain’t healer.

All in all, Alien Apocalypse was an enjoyable, if surprisingly violent (aliens bite off the heads of humans onscreen, with the accompanying geysers of blood spurting from necks) movie that I’ll probably never watch again, but don’t regret doing so the first time. If anyone would like to watch it, just lemme know and I can let you borrow it.

JAB

Man, I swear I must be allergic to my gorram house. Every time I have a frakkin’ day off, I get a frakkin’ headache. A few months ago, it wasn’t that big of a deal. But now that I’m working more, I actually need to get things accomplished on my days off. And these ruttin’ headaches that take me out for several hours make that mighty hard to do.

I guess it’s just as well. I was supposed to see Sarah today, but since she had all four of her wisdom teeth pulled out yesterday (Brief aside: Why the hell are they called “wisdom” teeth anyway? I mean, if 99% of people have to have them pulled out, wouldn’t it have been better to call them “moron teeth” or something?), she still wasn’t feeling up to hanging out. That, and her mysterious “Z” medicine was apparently making her groggy. So, permitting she feels better, we’re gonna do something after I get off work tomorrow.

Speaking of: Tomorrow happens to be the grand opening of the Englewood Wal-Mart. I should be working something along the lines of 7 am to 5 pm. Feel free to stop in and say hi to me or, depending upon whatever your particular poison may be, point and laugh at me because I still work at Wal-Mart.

JAB

P.S. – All of the various “curse” words used in the first paragraph and the entry title are from various sci-fi shows and, incidentally, are what all the cool kids are using these days.

Just went Amazon dot comming. There was something I wanted for a while, but it was only fourteen dollars or so. See, I’m kind of cheap so I only order things from Amazon when my order totals at least $25. That way I get the free shipping. Today I ordered “Hulk Visionaries: Peter David Vol. 1″ by — wait for it — Peter David, as well as a CD: The Very Best of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.

I haven’t read much of PAD’s Incredible Hulk run from way back when, but since I’ve immensely enjoyed pretty much everything else the man has written, I’m willing to give it a shot. Not that anyone here cares. I forget that Jason and I are the only people that come to JBdN that read comic books. Sigh. At least I know Nate used to read some — he’s got the trade paperback of the issues where Spider-Man got his new black costume and went mad. Or at least he used to have it…hmm… Maybe I should ask if I can buy it off him, since it’s not like he’ll ever read it again (or that Erin would let him).

Uh-oh…this entry is threatening to turn stream-of-consciousness. Time to end it.

JAB

Just thought I’d pop in and let y’all know I updated the About page the other day. The About Josh and the Contact portions have been changed.

And no, I didn’t write the About Josh section.

JAB

I declare this hiatus…OVER!

After about a month off, I feel much better. Rejuvenated, if you will. Sometimes, I get into these little…”funks” for lack of a better word. Think of them as mini-depressions. While in them, I don’t feel like doing shit. No motivation, just a lethargic…haze. Anyway, I’m feeling fine and sexy now, so back to blogging.

Working at the new Wal-Mart is better than working at Trotwood’s store, especially since it’s not open yet. However, it’s still Wal-Mart, and I don’t want to work there anymore. It’s not like before, where I had the degree but really didn’t feel like moving on. Now, I’m just ready to do something different, something that pays better, something that doesn’t suck my soul out through my an —

Nevermind. Let’s just say I’d like to move forward with life. That’s why I just sent Anna my resume and some writing samples, so she can forward them to some people. Hopefully in a few weeks I’ll hear something.

I’ve got other stuff going on, which I’ll write about later, but for now, dear reader, take heart that I am back and good as new.

JAB

As you’ve probably noticed, it’s been a little while since my last post. Reason being, I’m getting a little burnt out. Lately I’ve felt like I’ve had nothing much to say here anymore, and I don’t want that. So, I’m gonna go on hiatus for a bit.

No, to answer your silent question, this isn’t permanent. Really. I’m just gonna take a few weeks off, focus on fucking Wal-Mart and my writing, and come back refreshed and motivated.

If you don’t feel like stopping by JBdN every day, hoping that I might be back so that you can slaver over my awesomeness, feel free to sign up for the mailing list at the top of this page, beneath the banner. Then once I again update, you’ll receive an email.

On one final note, I leave you with this: hot chair-on-chair action (thanks Nick).

To quote General Douglas MacArthur, as he was forced to evacuate Philippines:

“I will return.”

JAB