Coming into work this morning, I noticed that the big display for today’s release of The Passion of the Christ was empty of DVDs. I first thought was, Damn, they really didn’t plan well for this. Then I remembered that the store did a special midnight release of POTC, which probably explained why we were out. The only other movie I can recall Wal-Mart going to such lengths to sell was 2002′s release of Spider-Man. Mm-hmm, Jesus is in esteemed company.

I find it baffling that anyone would come into Wal-Mart at midnight to buy a movie about a guy who gets tortured for two hours and then dies. Actually, I’m baffled why anyone would even want to buy this movie. And spare me your “The point of the movie is you’re supposed to experience the suffering that Jesus went through for you.” That’s a crock of shit. If you want to experience what Jesus supposedly went through, go drop “the N-bomb” (a phrase I despise) in South Central, LA. Then you can experience Jesus’s misery.

I find it ridiculous that POTC didn’t garner an NC-17 rating. From what I understand, it’s supposed to be one of the most torturous movies to sit through, due to all the graphic violence inflicted upon JC. It says a lot about the MPAA that they will give an R rating to a Jesus movie, yet if Kevin Smith dares to show a pubic hair in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, it gets slapped with an NC-17.

So if I could be Mel Gibson for a week, here’s what I’d do: Release The Passion of the Christ: The Director’s Cut. In it, somewhere near the beginning of the movie (before all the torture stuff), I’d insert a scene where Jesus and Mary Magdalene suddenly strip naked and get it on. And this wouldn’t be just a regular sex scene; I’m talking about raunchy, porno sex. And it would last for ten minutes or so.

Then this “new” version would come out, and no where on the DVD packaging would it say what kind of new footage was added. All the people who bought the theatrical version would just clamor for this new, unrated POTC, a version which they think just contains more graphic violence, but really contains the aforementioned sex scene.

My theory is that these people would have a huge problem with the sex scene, even though sex is one of the most natural things in the world. Now I realize this isn’t dogma, because Jesus was supposedly a virgin. But who’s to say that Jesus and Mary didn’t do it after the Last Supper? I know that if I knew I was going to die the next day, I’d wanna have sex one last time. So maybe the people who wrote the Bible just left that little detail out. It certainly wouldn’t be the first detail left out of the Bible.

Of course, never in a bajillion years this would happen. My “Director’s Cut” would be condemned as a sinful piece of filth, and the people who own the theatrical version would talk about how appalling it is that a — gasp — sex scene was included in the new version. Then they’d sit down on all the religious holidays, whip out their theatrical cut of The Passion of the Christ, and watch Jesus get sadistically mutilated for two hours, blissfully unaware that they are some of the world’s biggest, stupidest hypocrites.

JAB

I went to ComputerFest with my Dad today. Man, has that thing gone down hill over the last few years. Time was, when all of Hara Arena would have been packed wall to wall full of vendors plying their wares and geeks buying those wares. Since the Internet has become such a popular tool to order computer hardware and other stuff, less and less people go to conventions such as this to buy stuff. As it was, big green dividers were placed everywhere, cordoning off huge chunks of empty space, thus making it seem like the place was hopping.

One of the more interesting things I saw was a guy giving a demonstration on a little video camera to an enraptured crowed. He was very convincing, friendly polite, and dressed in a long white lab coat, like the ones I wear at work, to appear “knowledgeable.” He spouted terms like “removable hard drive” instead of memory card and said his little camera could take pictures, act as a voice recorder, and play mp3s. It really wasn’t that bad of a camera at two-hundred dollars. If I didn’t work in a photo lab and deal with this shit every day, I might have been willing to plunk down the money for one.

The other really cool thing — which I wish I’d known about earlier — was that one big room was devoted solely to LAN gaming. I peeked into the room and I saw an assload of people sitting at computers playing things like City of Heroes, Warcraft 3, some form of Unreal Tournament, and even the classic Starcraft. I talked to one of the dudes and he said the gaming had been going on and would continue through the night for 48 hours. I neglected to ask how much doing so costs, but I’d be willing to pay quite a bit to get in on some of that. I think next spring, when the next convention occurs, if they have the LAN gaming again, I’m gonna see if Nate wants to go with me and we can play Starcraft — or Warcraft 3, since I suspect I’ll really be into that game by spring — for hours on end. It certainly sounds like it’d be a blast.

JAB

I was sitting at the computer earlier (much like I am now) looking for a particular email from a few weeks ago, when I realized I’d never emailed back a kid I went to high school with, who had one day found JBdN on makeoutclub, and dropped me a line. So I finally emailed him back, and turns out he has a blog on deadjournal. This made me curious as to whether the old blog I had on deadjournal, the Captain’s Log (that’s right, just in case you forgot, I’m a huge nerd), the precursor to this site, was still around. Turns out it was.

I went through and reread all of the entries and actually had fun remembering a bunch of the stuff I’d written about. In a way, that’s one really good benefit to keeping a weblog: it serves as a constant reminder for my already shoddy memory, so that when I’m thirty, I won’t have completely forgotten half of my life.

Actually, JBdN is sort of a more “public” version of my thoughts and experiences. I’ve written before about how I think it’s impossible to be 100% open on a public blog and still retain all of your friends. ‘Cause, really, if you were to write an entry about how your best friend really pissed the hell out of you, and you wished you could stake his/her heart with a piece of dull wood (dull because it hurts more), chances are that person would be upset with you. Now, of course, this example is a slight exaggeration (or is it?), but it gets my point across. Because of this, I have a private journal, which I nostalgically call the “Captain’s Personal Log,” where all of my thoughts can be written about completely uncensored. I sort of consider it a complement to this whole “narcissistically documenting my life” thing I do, so that one day, when I am sixty and can barely remember my name, I can look back and read about what a dull and lame adventurous and exciting life I led.

Huh.

Guess I better get started on that “adventurous and exciting” part soon.

JAB

Dear Blog,

Hello! How’s it going? Sorry I haven’t written in so long. I think this has been the longest lapse yet. I want you to know that it’s not that I don’t care and have lost interest in you; it’s nothing like that at all. I just haven’t been inspired lately. I do nothing exciting, at all. I work, I intern, I write, and I read books by Harry Turtledove — that’s been my life for about the last month.

I find it funny that I’m looking forward to going back to school. Maybe it’s because, since I have a fairly easy schedule, life will become a little less hectic. The internship will be ending, I’ll be cutting back on work…Or maybe it’s because this is My Last Quarter Ever of school (that is, unless I do something foolhardy like eventually go to grad school) and then the Great Unknown beckons: a notion that is becoming less scary as the weeks wear on. Whatever the reason, school no longer makes me stomach sour; Wal-Mart currently holds that position.

Speaking of that evil corporate entity, Bill is getting a job there, once Jennifer gets back from her vacation. He had some shit go down at his previous job, Gamestop, and wants to give Wal-Mart the old college try again (Brief aside: Bill calls the evil Powers That Be at his previous employer the “Gamestopo,” a term which I find to be quite clever. For those of you out there who don’t understand and need shit spelled out to you like a bleating goat, Gamestoppo is a slight modification of Gestapo, the infamous Nazi German secret police). It’ll be good to work with another friend again, and have another good, reliable employee. Oh, and Bill, if you’re reading this: if you turn out to be a fuckstick of an employee…I will eat your soul! But I’m sure you won’t, right?

So, dear blog, that’s all the current going-ons in my life right now. Once again, I affirm my pledge to write you more often. If not, may ten-thousand monkeys descend upon my house and wreak havoc upon my person.

Sincerely,
JAB

I was sitting in the conference room at Habitat earlier, editing some documents for Anna, while a fly kept buzzing around. A few people sat at the far end of the huge table, doing other things. The fly had been annoying me for some time, so when it landed on the table, a smacked it with a folder and, without thinking, said, “Ha! Got you, you stupid Goddamned fly!”

A split-second later, I realized I’d just said “Goddamn” in front of a pastor and three other Christians. They looked kind of appalled, but another person who works here had to leave the room before they busted out laughing.

Feeling, slightly sheepish, I said to the Pastor & Co., “Sorry, but that fly was really annoying me.”

Then I gathered up my things and went downstairs to my little Hidy-Hole, the tool cage, where I could curse as much as I wanted at the flies without offending representatives of God.

JAB

It appears I shall be “site-sitting” for Obscurafikation over the next week or so while its author, Nick, is off on shore leave. Site-sitting is kind of like babysitting, except if I don’t check in on the site for a few days, it won’t die of starvation surrounded by human excrement. Now I just have to try to come up with something interesting to write. Oye. Fortunately, there are two other guest writers who will also be participating: my friend, Jason Miller, and a Mysterious Stranger, “Paco.” I do have my suspicions about who the latter is, but for now I’ll keep them to myself…

UPDATE: Oops. Seems I never got around to writing anything for Obscurafikation. Since I didn’t write anything for my blog either, I don’t feel too bad. Oh well, nex time someone asks me to site-sit (which will probably never happen again after this incident), I sahll strive to make more of an effort.

JAB

I just knew it was too good to be true.

I’ve slept great the past few nights, I mean like a fucking rock. So silly little me started thinking, Hey! Maybe my bouts with insomnia the past few months is finally over!

Wrong.

So it’s 3:25 am, and I am wide-fucking-awake. I have to be at Habitat tomorrow later today at 9:30 am, so I will be quite tired and, most likely, cranky. Oh well, short of drugging myself with Tylenol PM (and wouldn’t that make the rest of the day just magical), there’s not much I can do about it, so I suppose I should stop bitching.

I’ve been working on a new short story these past few days. As you might recall, I had been working on my comic before I went to New Orleans, but since coming back, I have felt this almost burning desire to write this story I’d been wanting to tell that takes place in, go figure, New Orleans. So I set aside the comic for a short while, even though it’s three-quarters done, until I complete this story. I’m really into the story right now, so I should hopefully have it finished in ten days or so. It could easily be sooner than that, if I didn’t have work and Habitat looming over my shoulder. Once I finish the story I want to get right back to the comic, and I’d love to have both done before I return to school on September 7th. Whether that will happen remains to be seen.

Hmm…just talking about my writing has cheered me up considerably since beginning this entry. In fact, I think I’m going to go work on the story (which cleverly has the working title “New Orleans”) now, since it appears I’m not going to be sleeping anytime soon…

JAB